His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
