I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
