I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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