Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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