I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
