I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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