nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
