I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
