Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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