you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
