insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
