wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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