Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize