are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
