dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
