i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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