she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
