I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
