everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
