he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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