This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
