We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
