I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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