Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
