i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
