How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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