I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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