State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
