Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
