your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
