Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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