I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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