you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I deserve this hangover.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
