I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
