no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
