well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
