Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
