Do you still have your period?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
