Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
