hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
