Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
