You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
