It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
