A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
