i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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