I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
