Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
