I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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