The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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