They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
