So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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