My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
