ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
